Act One, Scene One

Ah, Mr Garvey, come in, take a seat.

What?

Sit down, Mr Garvey, please.

I am standing up.

Yes, I see. Wouldn’t you rather sit down?

Yes, I would.  But I prefer to stand.

Well, I hope you don’t mind if I stay seated.  You see, I have terrible knees.  Arthritis.

Your knees do not concern me, councillor.

No, I don’t imagine they would. Suffice to say I’m in an extraordinary amount of pain.  Today, it is bearable.  Today is a good day.

I disagree.

Which I suppose brings us to why we are here.

Yes.  You don’t mind if I smoke.

Fortunately not but smoking indoors is illegal and has been in this country for some time.  It was nothing to do with the health risks, as many believe.  It was merely that smoking ceased to evoke thoughtfulness and dignity.  One day, out of the blue, just like that.

Aesthetic legislation.  I approve.  For this reason I will extinguish my cigarette but remain standing,  Perhaps I will lean against this lovely filing cabinet.

I’d be delighted to see you leaning.  Shall we begin?

No.

Bury bury

Suffice it to say on the subject of neon signs that they’ve always been something I’ve endorsed.  This, however – this -

is this the sort of electronic behaviour an honourable man can realistically commend? It’s found at Bury Interchange, and there’s nothing about its prominent pedesrian position, epicentre of the eyeline of everyone, that indicates its creator isn’t inordinately pleased with himself.  Why should this be?  It’s a terrible pun, nobody could convince anybody else otherwise.  I can only assume from the (con)text, likewise terrribly, that the author considers himself a poet. This is no good.

Compulsory Download #67

From the excellent avant-garde tumblr resource, seedy, an 8-bit tribute to Kind of Blue. Imagine that.

Lucky numbers from recent fortune cookies

One day I’d like to study the history and phenomenology of lucky numbers but in the meantime here are some numbers from recent fortune cookies I have eaten:
2, 16, 19, 26, 30, 29
8, 9, 14, 16, 18, 23
5, 9, 17, 27, 31, 43
If you win the lottery with any of this vital information, I want some.

Question Head

A question that’s always in my head, when tired, when not tired, when asleep, when dead is, “what did you have for breakfast tomorrow?” It’s a sensible question, in that in can be sensed. What DID you have for breakfast tomorrow? You might dream it, you might shove the woman who escaped the fire into a giant shoe with compassion but what did you have for breakfast tomorrow?

Evangelism

“The institution of marriage”

People who defend “the institution of marriage” against gay marriage, non-nuclear families, polygamy and the like (in other words, conservatives and other dullards) obviously don’t understand the meaning of the word “institution”. The Bank of England is an institution. Great Ormond St Hospital is an institution. Marriage is a convention. Just thought I’d point that out.

List-en.

The art of
A pause to breathe
Sausage skins
Palate cleanser
It’s all about disguise
Cost of negativity
Sexy and bored
Food and travel expenses
Love and mercy
You have won
Being left alone for Christmas
You haven’t ruined my life
Fat at the bus stop
Job lot
The book of intolerable silliness
Worthwhile
Mescaline mundane Monday
Behind open doors
The Real that lurks below the surface

List-en.

Jolly delinquency
Measured shot
Diseased pineapple
Ideas mart collision
Speed equals the distance you had me
Help is the one thing in your suitcase
Saturn
Mountainous clock
Tabular hallway
Some snap hair
Forever cleaning up after yourself
The sun and sky and wind and rain
Face turned to the left
Hope mings eternal
Densely populated
Quantity
Disease
Responsive snails
Having more to do with geography
Things to be said again
Hopelessness
Spaceship for a farthing

List-en.

Minor fluctuations
Everything is down
Insulin
A marked increase in serious incidents
Only four of them survived
Free dogs
The feeling’s right
Masks
Delinquency
More’s the pity
I interrupt running
Nothing is running cool
All ambiguities
Why all the money has been forgotten
Incense
Our man in Afghanistan
Garlic bayonet
Beyond the city limits
Obscene wealth
A lonely drum machine
Airport lung
Always rather liked
Not in use
Central western glove
Barriers to forgiveness
A weird cunt
Watery jazz
Pid pad pod
Open and close sensible
Scrambled
The things you are doing to yourself
Communication cultivation
The alarmed clock