Music videos. What are they? What are they for? Who are they for? Who cares?
The music video was invented sometime in the 1970s, or maybe the 1980s – it doesn’t really matter, a while back- to broadcast on a television channel that until then had previously broadcast absolutely nothing. At this early stage, the channel was called “Music Television”, although this name was immediately ditched in favour of “MTV” so as to reflect the attention span of its target audience. These days, however, MTV is referred to more commonly as “uh”.
The average music video has little if anything to do with the song it is designed to promote, and consists of several hundred billion assorted images, each approximately 00000000000000.5 seconds in length. At least half of these will be of sexily dressed young women dancing around in a luxurious bathroom in slow motion (and if that doesn’t get more visitors to my site, I don’t know what will. Hello – people who’ve come here by mistake, I believe you’re looking for www.i-wish-i-had-a-bigger-willy-then-maybe-she’d-look-at-me.com Don’t masturbate tonight, it’s nice for a while but you feel a bit conned afterwards, then you fall asleep. Read a book or something, or go for a walk in the fresh air) The other half are in black and white, and are usually of abandoned car parks, 50s-era public school teachers, grimy cellars full of people in really uncomfortable leather clothing, suburban front rooms, car crashes, small and slightly sinister looking children or faux-victorian brothels. Usually the “artists” themselves won’t appear on screen unless they are very attractive or very stupid, which of course, they almost always are. A standard 4 minute music video costs four hundred thousand billion dollars to make and consumes all the natural resources in the South Pacific. Music videos are not actually released for mass public consumption as songs themselves are and therefore never make anybody any money, which of course renders them not only pointless, but a threat to the
future of civilization.
Really, music videos are just adverts for pop songs, which are themselves adverts for that least real of things, reality. This is why they are so expensive, stupid and captivating.
