It seems that they don’t want to be contacted by old-fashioned mail, but I’ll find a way to get this to them. It’s important….
******
9th August 2006
Dear Sir or Madam,
I bloody love Cheesy Wotsits. I’m sorry for swearing, but sometimes you have to, don’t you? When you want to convey something strongly. So, I’ll say it again: I bloody love Cheesy Wotsits. They’re quite unlike other kinds of crisps, both in flavour and consistency. And shape. And don’t take this the wrong way, please, but they remind me of polystyrene. I’m sorry for saying that, and please don’t infer I mean to insult your marvellous snack creation. I’m just trying to convey the wonderful uniqueness of Cheesy Wotsits but I’m not very good with words. So I think it’s best if I end this paragraph by saying for the third time – I BLOODY LOVE CHEESY WOTSITS. I wrote it in capitals that time. That’s because I really mean it.
The Government is worried about the amount of salt in our diet, but I’m not. To be honest, I don’t really think they are either. If they were, why did they leave John Prescott in charge of the country when Tony Blair was on holiday? He doesn’t worry about anybody’s diet, if you ask me. (I know you didn’t ask me, but if you did, that’s what I’d say). How many packets of Wotsits are in circulation in the United Kingdom at any given moment? You must have some idea. I’d be very interested to know. What other interesting facts are there about Wotsits that the average consumer (like me) might not know? I’d be fascinated in anything you can tell me.
Yours sincerely,
Mr Jonathan Bradshaw.
4 Comments
August 10, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Would I even know if I have eaten a cheesy wotsit?
August 10, 2006 at 2:40 pm
You certainly would. They are villainous, orange, and reprehensible.
August 14, 2006 at 7:52 pm
i love that they are named cheesy “wotsits.”
that is ace.
February 19, 2007 at 11:50 pm
No.