And on the fifteenth day, wherein the hope of Jonny Opinion had reached its lowest ebb and he had cried out unto the Lord in anguish and in despair, he did receive from the city of Liverpool in the west a revelation written upon parchment headed with an attractive blue and green logo that did spell out “John West”. For Jonny had even in his darkest hour refused to curse the Lord, and had instead prayed for patience, wherefore the Lord rewarded Jonny thus, with these words:
“Dear Mr Bradshaw
Thank you for your letter in which you raised a few questions you would like answering.
Government advice recommends a balanced diet, of which there should be two portions of fish, (one oily) per week. Eating the same product everyday would not count as a balanced diet.
In answer to your question regarding the boning of sardines, extreme care is taken throughout the preparation of this variety to ensure it reaches our customer in a pure and wholesome condition and is free from all extraneous matter including bones. Preparation of the raw material is primarily a manual operation and every effort is made to remove all bones.
The Marine Stewardship Council (MSC) has established a programme committed to the safeguarding the marine environment, and here at John West we share many of the goals and ambitions of the MSC.
We hope that you will continue to enjoy our products and that we will continue to receive your valued custom.
Yours sincerely…”
And Jonny did summon his wives and sons, and their wives and sons, and before the whole company did he crack open a tin of John West mackerel fillets in mustard sauce and scoff the lot in their presence. And behold, though he had eaten a whole tin by himself, there was still enough to go round, for the Lord had show John West the wisdom of sustainable fish farming, to which end he had created the Marine Stewardship Council, who share many of the goals and ambitions of John West, which is a bit vague. Yet his family, who were favoured and honoured before the Lord, did continue to pray for mercy, because the city of Liverpool hadn’t quite made it to the final of the Champion’s League, even though this city too was home to John West, who take extreme care throughout the preparation of their tinned fish products. “Still,” said Jonny to his twelfth wife, “they do rather disturbingly refer to living creatures as ‘raw materials’.”
mackerel / tinned fish / John West / consumer confidence / consumer power / consumerism / daft / jokes
