In Defence of Twitter

There’s plenty o’ reasons not to defend twitter. It’s base and vulgar, context-less blogging for the ultra-caffeinated super-impatient; it elevates those with the shortest attention spans to hallowed celebrity; it’s an insipid rumour-machine; it’s full of SPAMMERS up to their usual games of penis enlargement, automated Forex trading and other dubious schemes, usually involving villas, “adult” “chat” and/or online poker.

The obvious aside, however, I’m discovering that twitter can actually focus the attention, inspire the intellectually constipated and provide a context for super-disciplined works of art. Take for example Brian Eno’s twitter account, which although he’s becoming increasingly preoccupied with communication (a shame) and jumping on the unfathomably bizarre twitter wagonband of actually believing you can affect the political climate of Iran by turning a picture of yourself green, is staying true to his ambient self with such oblique tweets as, “Remove the middle, extend the edges”, “Move towards the unimportant” and “Think inside the box”. It’s a delightful thing to subscribe to, micro-digestible and nourishes the digital self for hours.

Then there’s twitterers who aren’t even people, like NatHistoryWhale, who’s “the whale on the ceiling of the Natural History in New York City”, fond of sometimes trite (“Somedays, no matter which way you turn, you feel like you’re swimming against the current”) but more often silkily humourous (“I wonder what ice cream tastes like. So many of the kids who come through here talk as though it’s better than krill”) tweets with a skeletal, whale’s-eye view from a presumably very high ceiling.

Even David Lynch is giving it a go.

Or this geezer, who I don’t understand at all, and therefore “follow” devotedly.

And of course, there’s me.

So when all’s said and fun, against my instincts I’m standing very much side-by-side with twitter. I’m inclined to say that being part of it is like being part of some kind of amicable orgy – I’m even verging on suggesting how wonderful it is to be part of a global network of lonely people just “looking to connect” – but don’t worry, I’m not going to. It’s just that, well, it’s nice to think that every tweet you make floats out into the ether and – just maybe – makes some stranger’s perspective that little bit wider, or at least their day that little bit less horrible. Even though it probably doesn’t.